When we arrived at the hospital today, Hajime was on the wheel chair.
He was on the Physical Therapy. So, we pushed his wheelchair and took
a walk around the hospital.
Today was really good weather, so Hajime looked feeling good. He got
sweat, while we took a walk, as he wanted. I felt happy because he
could adjust his body temperature to the one around.
However, while we were walking, his ventilator got low battery. And
while we checked it, the tube of ventilator was about to dislocate,
and Hajime could not breath. We had a big trouble and panic. Well, we
were alright anyway, though. Nurses were too sensitive, even Hajime
was surprised to it.
So after that he went back to his bed.
We had family meeting today at the hospital. Meeting was just by its
name, and it was just reporting from doctors, and we did not have any
right to speak up. Is this really a family meeting? I thought. I
thought of some questions and anxious point to raise.
When we back to Hajime's room, he looked so upset, and crying a lot.
He cannot get used to this hospital, simply, and saying "I want to go
back home" and cried again.
Tomorrow we will have "power of atony" reservation: this is to sign on
a document if something happened onto you, whether you want someone to
provide resuscitation or not, or do you want to donate your organ or
not. So we talked about the contents of questions.
Hajime sounded he thought his death was close, and listened to me with
a lot of tears. We could not talk without tears, neither.
His muscle is weakened one after another, so it is natural to think
like that. But I would like him to think he wants to live more.
It is so sensitive appointment, I wish Hajime would not hurt and it
Translated by Satoko Okamoto