May 30, 2011

My wish is...

Today was the Memorial day, so we, the whole family went to the mall.
Well, it was in the evening, though.

From last week, his cold does not leave Hajime. We thought it might be
a good refreshment going out, so we encouraged him and went out.

But... not really good, it seemed like.

We walked around several shops, but Hajime was troubled controlling
his saliva and went to the washroom many times. We couldn't bring
suction machine either (it makes terrible noise, so using outside is
difficult). But maybe ALS patients should carry it around, in real. We
mind it maybe because we are Japanese...

He looked keeping his neck very hard, and leans onto his left side.
His left side must have a lot of burden with his neck weight because
his left arm also does not move either and already burdens on his left
side. Thus, it is better to put his weight on right side somehow, to
take balance. But it seems always he has accustomed to it, and cannot
shift his weight easily. So we thought we need attention when we walk
in the crowded people.

When we were in the mall, one thing we had.

Hajime cannot drink from his mouth though he became thirsty, he was
disappointed to it. But with using SMS, he told me "I wish I will be
able to drink again." So I was so glad knowing him not casting his
hope away... very much.

"Yes, let's trust in God!" I replied to him.

Recently, when he lays on the bed, he stretch his arms towards me.
When I take his hand, Hajime closes his eyes and shaking it. It makes
me realize that he has very tough and rough days everyday. Sometimes,
his eyes have tears, even...

I can only pray for him. I sometimes hate such a helpless my self.

God, please let his wish come true, please!

Translated by Satoko Okamoto

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