May 21, 2011

Feelings that Can’t Be Expressed By Words

Last night, Hajime was depressed beyond control. He used these words on his device to tell me.

“I’m really sad that I can’t eat or drink anything. :-(”

Of course he feels this way. We’re living our daily normal lives… We’re not forcefully trying to hide ourselves from Hajime, so we eat in the living room like how we always did. But… Hajime feels lonely so he comes next to us in the living room and he sits.

He smells the food and he hears our fun conversation. But, he can’t eat, nor can he join in on our conversation. I don’t think anybody can understand what sadness he has.

Today, we went to go watch a movie as a family. It was the movie that just started last week, “Pirates of the Caribbean”

We went because Hajime wanted to, but during the movie his saliva would not stop and it was difficult to deal with it. His younger brother was taking care of it….

We were surrounded by people eating popcorn and drinking soda… I wonder what Hajime was going through in a situation like that? I’m sure he had frustrations that he couldn’t let out.

What’s even more is that his new nutrition wasn’t settling well in his stomach and was giving him a stomach ache… It seemed like today was harder than it usually already is.

It would be good if he could talk to somebody about these different feelings that he has. I don’t know if it’s because he wishes to speak to somebody and have somebody listen to his own voice or what, but it seems difficult with the device.

It would be good if I have more room in my heart and have more time to calmly listen to Hajime’s feelings more….


Translated by Christine Shirota (American English)

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