Oct 11, 2011

Never want to have pain, any more...

After our hustled 24hours training, we were nervous at first, but
relaxed later. We could pass, even. Yay!

But I have realized after finished, it would be very difficult to care
him alone. Maybe because it was the first time and nervous, but
exhaustion after the training was significant.

And, in the daytime, I alone, and night with my husband. Unless we can
pass Medi-Cal, we cannot have budget for nursing care. It is too
expensive to pay by our own income. So we have to do it by ourselves. We
have 2 other kids to care. I am really nervous now.

But we have to do. Yes, we will! I am telling myself to do it.

Today, Hajime was very down. He said "I feel like sick" and told me his
body was very tired. In this few days, his plus was high, and not
feeling stable, either. I worry he is not infected again.

At night we talked like this

Me: You don't like Cough Assist?

Hajime: Yes.

Me: Cough Assist will prevent infection not to have pneumonia and things
like that.Even shorten your life, no more pain, you say_

Hajime: Yes

I recognized the pain is significantly hatred for Hajime. He had to have
the operation for pneumothorax without any choice, it must have been
very hard for Hajime.

For me, "Never want to have pain, anymore" was somewhat, shocking...

Translated by STK

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