Dec 24, 2011

Just watch me warmly,,,

Most of the time I doing okay but sometime like I wrote previously, I torn by sorrow. After I wrote such kind of things in blog, in some cases I got comments and suggestions that I should be stronger and be positive. I understand that they are saying for the encouragement and I know negative feeling is contagious to the surrounding. But sometime I struggle with sadness helplessly. If I’m writing such kind of article again, please just warmly watch and understand.

Hajime is doing well. Although, I’m little worry that he is sleeping a lot at the daytime. His legs muscle weakness make him tired easily with playing games. Because of that, he just not doing anything and after a while he fall into a sleep. He just doesn’t feel to do anything when his is tired. It’s become our worry.

Every Thursday, nurse from the palliative team visit Hajime.
Nurse was planning to come at 4pm so I wanted to finish the bed bath before. The person who do the bed bath told us that she will come between 1 and 3pm but it turned out that she came around 5pm. It was quite hectic time to have a conflict visitors.

Today, Debbie (the church pastor) also visits Hajime.
She talked about her recent visit to Africa and showed some photos to Hajime. It was very interesting to hear a story about Africa.
Debbie lost her first husband to ALS.
She must have a very difficult feeling but she come to pray for him and encouraged him. I was very pleased.

At the night, Hajime was crying and said to me “I feel lonely”.
So many things in his mind probably bring up in his night dreams.
I told him “don’t worry. I’m always right next to you” and stay next to him till he fall back to sleep. So sad,, he feel lonely even we are so close each other.

Translated by HM

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