My wish was that, "As we hold onto hope for a day to call an important tomorrow, the remaining time that we have together shall be peaceful as can be"
Sep 4, 2012
The Respirator Malfunction
It has been a while since I last wrote. I wonder what Hajime is thinking every day, and I feel like I almost can't breathe.
Lately, there is a lot of the canned nutrition left in his stomach, so we can only feed him two cans a day. I think that's why he is losing weight quickly. His bones in his lower back are sticking out so much that I can feel them. I don't think this is good and I'm worried. So I'm giving him at least three cans of nutrition.
But Hajime has started to hate the feeding. He must know what would happen if he stopped doing the feeding. I think that he would want to fight hard to live... Sometimes I have to respect his wishes. It's a scary and difficult situation. However, he still wants juice so I am giving it to him.
I feel a bit anxious every day. I look like I'm fine, but inside I am filled with anxiety.
Oh, and something was wrong with the respirator today. The breath count went up to 34 in one minute. (Normal is 14-16). So Hajime was breathing hard. Fortunately, we have a backup respirator so we immediately replaced it. He started breathing better, but it was scary. We don't know what might happen. It was the RT's day off, but we had him come later and he replaced the backup respirator with a different one.
What was scary this time was that the alarm did not go off. When the tidal volume decreases, the alarm is supposed to go off. But even when the breath count went past 30, it did not go off. We need to talk about what to do if this happens again.