Oct 15, 2013

Feeling At A Loss

Infection was found in Hajime's urinalysis, and he is starting to use antibiotics from today again.

I was told that I can stop giving eye drops to Hajime's eyes, and I stopped giving it to him from today, but he still has quite a bit of discharge with red eyes. His eye problem has gotten worse since his pneumonia. I'm hoping that he is going to get better as soon as possible.

Since operating Brainfingers requires quite a bit of effort from the user, Hajime is having more difficulty using it now. Hajime's eyes can hardly move now, so the Brainfingers interface is useful, but since the software analyzes “Strained” (“Focused”) and “Relaxed” state of the brainwaves, when Hajime is crying, feeling excited, or experiencing pain, it becomes more difficult to use it to have him express “Yes” and “No” clearly. I think I have to continue to work more diligently on this with him.

Hajime was crying today again with his face all red. It's not unreasonable, since he cannot see the television very well (it is unclear whether it is visible to him or not), and the nurse continues to administer his medicine and provide care in an indifferent manner. At times, I feel at ease with Hajime being at home and forget how important my conversation with Hajime is. And this is happening with all the members of our family. I now realize that rather than worrying about Hajime, I'm realizing that I need to place more importance on the conversation with Hajime.

I'm feeling at a loss.

(Translated by JK)

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