It’s Difficult

Hajime’s been showing good signs of post operation recovery. He’s still in a lot of pain, but he’s starting to be able to withstand the pain.

Something happy happened today.
Hajime’s best friend came by.
He was finally able to see who he wanted to see from since he was hospitalized.
Hajime was very happy and he kicked his legs like a little child.

Hajime was looking at him with a very wide smile.
But Hajime’s expression gradually changed into a sad one.

Hajime was thinking that nothing would change from when they were very close.

At first Hajime was trying to talk to him with his eyes and smiley face.
But his friend couldn’t recognize Hajime’s silent words.
He was also shy and he didn’t speak much to Hajime either.
Perhaps because they haven’t seen each other for a month, maybe it was awkward.
But I also think that it maybe because Hajime has changed so much that he didn’t know what to do either.

Seeing Hajime’s sad face made me teary eyed.
He must have wanted to talk much more to him.
He must have wanted to call his friend’s name much more.
He was finally able to see him after waiting for over three weeks, but…

How much he must’ve cursed his life.
How much he must’ve hated his body.

The way he looked is forever engrained in my mind.


Translated by Christine Shirota