Hajime's Resolution

On Sunday, at youth group dinner in our church,
Hajime had a situation that he choked again.
My husband and I hurried to church,
but he had already calmed down when we got there.

He said that it was not big deal
but his little brother got worried to call for counselor.
He did not want to make big deal out of it, he told me.

I explained him that he needs to understand
that these kind of accidents have to be dealt with 911,
when we are not around.

We, all family, went to "Gatten", sushi-go-round restaurant,
where Hajime has been wanting to go.
It was very hard for me to watch him enjoy dinner
knowing that it might be his last time.

However, Hajime knew his limit.

As soon as we got home,
he said, "I won't eat anymore.
I will take nutrition from tube only,
because I am afraid of choking again,
and I know I should do so to live longer."

He told me so.

It was heartbreaking to listen to him.
I choked up inside by thinking about his feelings of stopping
his favorite thing to do, eating.
I have to support him to make most of his decision.
I thought.

He might never eat for the rest of his life.
He might feel better enough to eat sometime.

I would like to look after him to know his condition and to support him.


Translated by Ai Hongo