Disgust with Myself

I am disgusted with myself.

I am a very bad person.
I think I have used Hajime's illness to try and gain people's sympathy.  I think I have been using relationships with people to try to bury my grief.

I have lost many friends this way.
Friends that I had been close to started to criticize me.

I have brought this on myself.   But I feel bad for Hajime.
Even friends who had been supporting Hajime stopped visiting because they wanted to avoid me.

The difficulties of caring for someone, physical issues, emotional issues...
It is really hard to have people understand.
Even if people don't understand, I must correct myself...That's what I think.


(Translated by MS)